I’m a reality show watcher. I’ve watched pretty much every city involved in the Real Housewives franchise and, just in case you are now questioning my credibility, let me also add that I think I’ve watched every season of the Kardashians too. There, I admit it. It’s out in the world and I can’t take it back now.  

Despite the escape from reality that occurs when I watch ‘reality’ TV, I have to say, the one thing that strikes me as very, very real, is the universal way that humans manage feelings and stressful relationships. Now obviously reality TV is 95% over the top for our entertainment, but the part that feels like such an important takeaway is what to do OR not to do when it comes to conflict.

The dramatic fashion with which reality TV depicts arguments is obviously next level, but it really shows a cautionary tale of what happens when old conflict remains unresolved and keeps getting brought back up and rehashed. Heck, they can make a whole season focused on one dinner party that went sideways.

And, as much as we may look at all of that as fake and overblown, the truth is sometimes we unintentionally bring our own level of drama into our own relationship.

When you don’t address underlying tension or let conflict go unresolved, you’re not working to get past things together. When an argument or misunderstanding is over but not attended to, it’s very likely that you will keep rehashing it weeks and months into the future.  

And because none of us want our relationships to look anything like reality TV, you’ve got to address your issues. You need to dig in and have the tough conversation. You need to listen to each other, about how you feel and your perspective, in order to find some common ground. You need to stop saying ‘I’m over it’ and then bring it up every time you get frustrated or the next time conflict arises.

Trust me, when an argument is over… it needs to be addressed so it can actually be over.

Take the time now to have a hard and grounded conversation around underlying tension, because you don’t want a whole season of your relationship to be defined by lingering unresolved arguments.

I’m cheering you on.

-A

P.S. Moving through difficult topics is harder than you think. Please reach out if I can be of support as you work to resolve old arguments and work to leave the past in the past.