This month marks the start of my 19th year of doing therapy. I can’t even believe this is true as I’m typing it now. 19 years. There are parts of me that feel like it has absolutely flown by and other parts that are in sheer disbelief that this is even true.

Over all of these years, the most common call I get from new couples is a request to work on communication. Improve communication. Fix communication. Learn how to communicate. Stop communicating so poorly. Get unstuck in communication.

Basically every version of needing support to communicate more effectively.

And what’s interesting is this request can sound sort of generic until you get below the surface to really understand what it is about each couple’s communication styles that have become so problematic.

What I’ve seen time and time again is not that the overall communication is so “off” as much as the respect and appreciation for one another in the communication has become an issue.

For the most part, folks know what they want to say but it’s the getting it out or saying it in a way that fosters growth and healing that really gets mucked up.

And I really believe that when you can improve the respect and appreciation with which you communicate, you really begin to transform your relationship.

It’s incredible to see what happens when couples slow down to listen to what they’re going to say before they say it out loud. Or they infuse appreciation and understanding into their requests for change. You can slowly see the walls coming down and both partners being more willing to listen and share.

I encourage you to look below the surface of your communication struggles and see how infusing respect and appreciation can really make a difference.

I know I’ve seen so much proof of its benefit.

Take good care of each other.

Until next week,

-A

P.S. I want to thank everyone that has allowed me to be part of their journey. There is nothing more incredible to witness than healing and growth in the most incredibly raw ways which is therapy. I’m truly grateful to be trusted to enter these spaces with my clients and am continually in awe of all of my client’s incredible capacity to heal. Thank you for allowing me to witness you as your true and vulnerable self. I am honored.