Conflict Management

The other day, I read a piece of communication research by the Gottman’s (because yes, this is what I do in my free time) and it sure helped me understand how I get stuck in communication in my own marriage.

Basically, the research says that no couple is ever going to completely eliminate reoccurring issues in their relationship and that you’re much better off working to find ways to manage them instead of looking for solutions.

And it blew me away.

I mean, we talk so much about solving problems, but when it comes to your relationship, what really needs to happen is problem management. And anyone that has ever been in a relationship, knows that all of us have those annoying reoccurring issues that just never seem to go away. So really, the goal is to learn how to manage them as a couple!

I mean, trying to solve unsolvable problems is not only counterproductive but downright maddening. It’s really all about the management.

So what does managing the issue look like?

Taking the time to find a path out of the muck.
Making sure you’re both heard and understood by each other.
Seeking a plan on how to handle miscommunications differently and/or how to find a resolution to the situation at hand.
And most importantly, knowing that the two of you can disagree AND still find a system or plan you both can support.

Take a deep breath this week and see what shifts can be made when you focus more on managing conflict versus solving it all!

I’m cheering you on.

-A

P.S. If stuckness is piling up in your relationship… reach out. I’m here to help you find ways to manage the conflict and create paths forward… together.