What’s with all the fuss?

 

I think I came into this world as a natural observer. And being a couples therapist for 15+ years has fine-tuned my ability to observe and notice just about anything.

Which is of awesome benefit to the couples I work with, but probably not as much of a benefit in my own marriage.

I’m the type of person that can walk into a room and instantly notice the one thing that is different. Super annoying, I know.

Now luckily, over the years I have grown better at noticing without actually pointing it out. Because do you know what it sounded like every time I pointed it out before… nitpicking… and criticizing!  Ugh!! 

Now when I open up a kitchen drawer and notice that something random has been shoved in there, I no longer holler “WHO PUT THE SO-AND-SO IN THE WATCHAMACALLIT??”.  Now I just move quietly right along.  Because who really cares?!

And now, when I come home and everyone has pitched in to knock out some family chores, instead of asking about the one thing that didn’t get done, I instead express my thanks for all the stuff that was done.

Do you know why??

Because nitpicking IS NOT GOOD in real-life relationships and love.

As much as my brain and eyes notice “the missed thing”, it is not fair to anyone around me to bring it up… because honestly, at the end of the day, it’s not that big of a deal!  And it’s garbage to those around me to be doing it in the first place.

So…

Don’t nitpick.  Period.

 
 
 
 

I’m still a work in progress with this, as clearly I’m human and still talk before I think… but I am working so hard to ditch this horrible habit.

If you want to resolve one thing this year in your relationship, I promise that stopping any habits around nitpicking will benefit your relationship tenfold.

And if you really want a gold star… don’t just ditch nitpicking, add in expressed gratitude and appreciation for the positive things that are happening all around you!  Regardless of them being partially completed or done completely different than how you would have done it… because it just doesn’t matter!

 

You so got this,

-A

P.S. Nitpicking is just another form of criticism, which is so destructive in love. If your relationship has been overtaken by this bad habit, please reach out, that’s what I’m here for.

 
Anna Osborn