Always and never.

Always, never, and every time shouldn’t exist in your relationship. Sorry, but they just shouldn’t. Sure it may seem like VERY OFTEN your partner does this or they ALMOST NEVER do that, but at the end of the day, absolutes just don’t exist.

For example, if your partner often gets quiet during conflict and internally processes, then hollering at them and telling them they “always shut down” isn’t going to help open the lines of communication.

Or, if your partner tends to externally problem solve when they’re stressed or overwhelmed, then shaming them for “making a big deal out of everything” is not going to encourage them to learn grounding tools.

Yes, we are creatures of habit and tend to have similar patterns in our behaviors, but that doesn’t make absolutes true or helpful. In fact, absolutes tend to be the biggest communication killers.

So plain and simple…

Don’t live in the absolutes.

And when you find yourself tempted to go there, talk to your partner about it in a productive way, not a black and white, always and never sort of way!

You got this,
-A

P.S. If your connection has become so strained that you feel like it will ALWAYS be this tough or will NEVER get better, please reach out. That’s exactly what I’m here for!