Be aware of ghosts.

I’m a big holiday decorator. I like tons of lights up at Christmastime. I like pumpkins and hay bales in the fall and I certainly love a spooky theme around Halloween. If you drove by my house right now, you’d see way too many tacky inflatables of ghosts and goblins on my front lawn.  And, of course, lots of spooky décor throughout the house.

But that’s as far as spooky goes for me. I don’t like frights or scares in movies and I certainly don’t like ghosts or goblins in my conversations.

I think that communication is hard enough without being haunted by ghosts from the past.

 You know, that resentful side that said you accepted the apology years ago, but can still rage in real-time communication?  Or your stubborn or defiant self that doesn’t ever want to be wrong? Yup, not so helpful in a conversation.  And your ego-centric side that wants it to be just about you… also not so great in problem-solving.

I believe that all parts of us want (and need) to show up to the party, but that doesn’t mean they’re all helpful. If you can be aware of what ghosts are trying to make their way into conversation, you are going to be more successful if you acknowledge or address them, rather than let them lurk in the dark corners.

Remember, it is possible to have a present-day conversation that makes room for acknowledging that everything feels bigger or more significant because of what you’ve experienced in the past. There is room for all of it… it just takes time to slow down and work your way through it… together.

Communication works best when it remains between the people that it involves AND when you’re aware of what ghosts still need to be addressed or acknowledged.

I believe in the two of you.

-A

P.S. If you’re struggling to address present-day issues because of old hurts that are continuing to haunt you… reach out. I’m here to support you as the two of you move through this tough stuff together.