Highs and Lows in Your Relationship?

How are you hanging in? How’s your relationship being tended to? I know for a lot of folks they’re experiencing really high highs and really low lows right now.

And as you’re navigating this season of uncertainty it’s not rare for disconnection and hurt can happen.

Actually, one of the biggest struggles I see for couples in my office is how to navigate unintentional hurt.

It’s really difficult to make amends and repair when you are convinced that the hurt you caused was not on purpose. And yet, the truth is, unintentional hurt still hurts. And you’ve got to work to repair it, even if it was an accident.

Spinning your wheels, trying to explain or creating a context for how you “didn’t intend” for hurt to be caused ends up creating a deeper divide between the two of you.

I get it, you don’t want to take responsibility for something you didn’t do or at least didn’t do on purpose. But, you need to know that if hurt is not repaired, it ends up taking up WAY TOO MUCH room in the relationship.

Validating your partner's feelings IS NOT confirming you intended to hurt them. Validating your partner’s feelings IS letting them know their feelings are valid because all our feelings (regardless of the intent) are valid.

Once you have validated your partner’s feeling THEN you can get into the context around the unintended hurt; meaning you can clarify what you were trying to say or do. But you have to do step one first.

This is a tough one and takes practice, so I encourage you to reach out if you have questions or, if after reading this, you realize this is a stuck point in your relationship, I’m here as a resource!

Yours truly,

-A