It’s always better to be on the same page.

I recently heard there were anchors to the pain scale. You know, the good ol’ 1-10  your doc asks you when you arrive for your appointment to rate how much pain you’re actually in. Not only are there anchors to actually describe what a 10 is but apparently, I’ve been using it all wrong. For reference, a ‘10’ level pain is ‘indescribable pain similar to having a bone crushed or losing consciousness due to the high level of pain’.  Now I’ve never gone in and reported a ’10’ level pain to my doc, but I think I’ve reported at least a 7.  Which for the record is an ‘unmanageable level of pain, preventing one from doing most activities’.  I mean good grief, now that I know what a 7 was, I don’t think I was anywhere near this!  

And as much entertainment as I got reading all of these anchors, it sure made me realize that without knowing these, we can look sort of extreme walking into the doctor’s office saying we’re at a 7 while also carrying on a polite conversation.  I mean, can you imagine the medical staff who observes this all the time??

My point is, you need to know your anchors in communication. Do you have common definitions that you’re using in conversation? When one of you says ‘My day was fine’, does the other hear ‘FINE’ with undercurrents of frustration and hostility?  In order for communication to be effective, you have to be talking about the same thing.

Regardless of walking into a medical appointment or a conversation with your partner, if there are no common definitions between the two of you, things are going to go sideways fast.

Be sure you’re actually on the same page when you’re talking and for goodness' sake, don’t say you’re at a 10 if you don’t really mean it.

Until next week,

-A

P.S. If disconnection has withered away your common definitions; reach out. I’m here to help you get back on the same page in communication and love!